Doc Rivers narrowly saves Derek Fisher’s life

DOC RIVERS, right, intervenes not a moment too soon.

After hearing that Coach Derek Fisher was consensually spending some alone time with his ex-wife, NBA bruiser Matt Barnes reportedly flew over 90 miles to confront the player-turned-coach in person. But unlike Gloria Govan, the confrontation was anything but beautiful.

“You’re no hero, you’re just than a man in a suit,” taunted Barnes, 35. “Take that off, what are you?”

“Genius, millionaire, playboy, NBA coach,” responded a confident 41-year-old Derek Fisher.

Moments later, Matt Barnes was comfortably beating the shit out of Fisher in an extended mêlée confrontation. Doc Rivers swooped in not a moment too soon.

“That’s enough! This is what Hinkie wants!” he reminded them.

“Yeah but apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, and don’t play well with others,” Barnes warned.

Moments later, some fucking nerd stepped in to inform the three that none of their lines made any sense in context, Matt Barnes really should have been the Hulk, why was Doc Rivers there anyway, and they should all really just rewatch the actual movie.

The trio then spent three hours ripping the scrawny little shit a new asshole.

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