You know what? As much as we rag on Shaq, this segment really sucks without him. Almost enough for me to actually write an article on it. But I refuse to put KENNY as the column header in this table. He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.

“Yeah, I’m gonna handle Shaqtin’ a fool because Shaq is a fool and I’m gonna keep him uh in his place” oh Christ. At least E.J. was equally incredulous about the phrase “Kennying around.”

This episode is seriously the height of nonmedy, and you need to see it for yourself.

-200 James HARDEN Double-dip: THE WORST defender. “What the heck??”
-100 Dion WAITERS The GIFT. “Oo, they need to clean the floor.”
-100 Marcelo HUERTAS “Is he a Laker? Oh my gosh!”
-100 Shane LARKIN I am considering Brook Lopez a victim of circumstance. “noyoutakeitoutnoitakeitout.”
-100 Mike SCOTT “Great Scott.” “OH we’re in the NBA I’m sorry.”
-100 Rodney HOOD “Gives Steven Adams the easiest shot-block in the history.” “Why did he do that?””Get that fly outta here! Get that fly!”
-100 LeBron JAMES “Wait, what?” “That’s illegal!” Feat. a Leo DiCaprio impression at the end.
-100 Matthew DELLAVEDOVA “Shaq, I mean Chuck, 1-2-3-4-5.” “Come on ref, wake up!”
-100 Carmelo ANTHONY “1-2-3-4-5-6-7.” “Even more than Dellavedova!”
-100 Vince CARTER “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9.”
-25 Reggie JACKSON Being mean to a ref Fined $25,000
-40 Jahlil OKAFOR Being 19. I mean being retarded. Suspended 2 games
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS Choking/sucking League CURSE


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