Marquese Chriss’ Per 36 Numbers are Astounding

Marquese Chriss’ stat-line of 5.9 PPG, 2.9 RPG, and 0.6 APG may not look very impressive at first glance, but a major component of his “disappointing” statistics is the fact that he’s only logging 15.3 minutes per game. When looking at his performance on a per 36 scale, a whole new story comes to light.

The most notable area of Chriss’ stats that take a jump when converting his numbers to per 36 is his fouls. His 3.0 fouls per game translates to 7.1 fouls per 36, which puts him at the top of the league for players who have played at least 10 games. More impressive are his technical foul numbers, which convert from 0.2 techs per game to 0.5 per 36. This puts Chriss far above the #2 ranked player in techs per 36, teammate Alex Len (0.33 techs per 36). Chriss is top 5 in flagrant fouls per 36 (0.05), but has a ways to go before he can reach league-leading Matt Barnes’ .058 flagrants per 36. A fun fact regarding Chriss’ fouling rate is that he has had more fouls than points in one third of his games this season. In 18 games, he has only had more rebounds than fouls 7 times.
marquese-chriss-big-board

Chriss, pictured above, realizing averaging 7.1 fouls per game is impossible

 

 

Chriss is also an elite turnover producer when looking at his per 36 numbers. His 3.4 TO per 36 is enough to earn him the #6 spot among power forwards and in the top 30 of all players. Finally, Chriss misses free throws at an incredible rate. His 53% from the free throw line puts him at 6th worst in the league, which is the same if you convert it to per 36 because that’s how math works.

Oh what about his other stats? Per 36, he averages 13.8 points, 6.8 rebounds, and 1.4 assists. These wouldn’t look so bad if it weren’t for his 7.1 fouls per 36 preventing him from ever reaching those numbers in a game, so yes, Marquese Chriss is trash thus far.

 

Mike Schubert (@Schubes17) is an editor for Chode League and the “Suit” of Suit & Nut.

 

This Week in Chodiness: Week 1

Each week, Chode League will recap the top 3 chodiest performances according to this formula. A chodey player is not necessarily a bad player, but rather one that plays in a way that is ultimately detrimental to his team. Think along the lines of that guy in pickup who shoots a ton, talks a lot of smack, and plays no defense. For reference, top chodes last year were Dwight Howard, Markieff Morris, and Devin Booker.

#1 DeAndre Jordan, 10/27 @POR, 56 Chode Points

Field Goals- 2/7

Free Throws – 2/10

Personal Fouls – 5

Technical Fouls – 1

deandre-jordan-ftr-010815-youtubejpg_f3lcu6tnks6u1d0pxy2wusuz3

An obvious culprit of DeAndre’s chodiness on the Clippers’ season opener was his atrocious shooting: 29% from the field and 20% from the line, giving him 31 of his 56 chode points. Fouls were the other primary factor in his night of stupidity, with personal fouls gaining DJ 20 points, and his technical foul earning him an additional 20. The technical received was for pushing Mason “I’m The Good” Plumlee into some fans seated courtside, causing a scuffle to ensue promptly afterwards. DeAndre Jordan is an interesting player when it comes to rating his chodiness by Chodeleague’s metric; he is a prime example of an “All or Nothing” chode. If he misses free throws and/or gets into foul trouble, one can expect a highly chodey output like he had this week. However, he also runs the risk of stacking up vast amounts of blocks and rebounds, or making most of his dunks shots. His 12 rebounds were the only positive of the evening, as he finished the game with only 1 block, 6 points, and 0 assists or steals. All in all, a nearly perfect storm of chodiness for DJ, making his performance against the Blazers the chodiest of the week

#2 John Wall, 10/30 @MEM, 53 Chode Points

Field Goals – 8/19

Turnovers – 5

Personal Fouls – 4

Flagrant Fouls – 1

Technical Fouls – 1

wall1207

Wall had a pretty solid performance against the Grizzlies (22 points, 13 assists, 1 steal, 1 block) aside from one key area: fouls. Wall fouled the cycle, notching both a flagrant and a technical foul. The technical was awarded for his retaliation against Kent Bazemore’s CHEAP AS HELL UNDERCUT ATTEMPT, which was justified given the dirtiness of Baze’s flagrant foul. Wall’s flagrant foul, which he received for hitting Vince Carter in the head on a layup attempt with 3:17 left in the fourth, was significantly more problematic. Not only was it an uncalled for hit, but it led to a 24-7 Memphis run to end the game. The flagrant earned Wall 30 chode points, and arguably was the galvanizing force behind the Grizzlies’ fourth quarter push to win the game.

#3 Kyle Lowry, 10/28 @CLE, 53 Chode Points

Field Goals – 5/16

Personal Fouls – 4

Technical Fouls – 1

Turnovers – 6

kyle-lowry1

The stats above paint a pretty clear picture of Kyle Lowry’s paltry showing against the Cavs this week: 31% shooting to go along with 4 fouls, a tech, and 6 TOs. A major factor in his 53 chode points was his lack of positive stats to outweigh the negative. Lowry only had 4 assists and 2 rebounds, and he didn’t record a single block or steal. Any time your leading statistic is turnovers and your total fouls equals your total made shots, you’re going to have a chodey night.

 

Mike Schubert (@Schubes17) is an editor for Chode League and is the Suit half of “Suit & Nut.

Note: An earlier version of this article mistakenly mentioned Wall’s technical foul was for shoving Kent Bazemore, but that would be impossible since he plays for the Hawks. 

Frumpman: The Worst NBA Player Logos

Since the Jumpman first took flight, shoe companies have longed to create lasting, iconic logos for their athletes. Though no one has touched Jordan’s level of recognition, some players such as Kobe and LeBron have logos widely known among NBA fans.

Yesterday, Under Armour filed a trademark of a logo for their star point guard, Emmanuel “You thought I’d say Steph Curry” Mudiay. But it doesn’t take a fashion nazi to see why this logo is horrible. 

Inspired by this questionable logo choice, ChodeLeague.com presents:

A DEEP DIVE OF THE 13 WORST PLAYER LOGOS
IN NBA HISTORY

(IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. Emmanuel Mudiay

Mudiay

It’s not what it looks like, mom. It’s just Third Reich iconography!

What the logo means: Take an E, take an M. Now shape them both like Nazi batarangs. What have you got? A fucking mess of Mudiay’s initials.

Why it is horrible: So you’ve made a swastika. Or at the very least, it’s certainly not not a swastika. The only way this could be worse is if this was the design for Dirk’s shoe.

2. Paul George

George

I’m telling you, the Indiana Rhinos will love it.

What the logo means: Here, parts of a P and a G represent his initials.

Why it is horrible: It doesn’t seem to have any sort of vision or purpose. Some questions: Why is the G cut in half? Why does it look like a question mark, or maybe a reach-around? Can someone make a decent logo for U.S. Olympian and The Bachelor guest-star, PG-13?

Yes

Yes, but only if I can be nauseatingly clever about it.

Oh look, there’s one now.

But if you take pictures like this, maybe it’s fitting to have a shitty logo:

DJ Khaled

Looks like you played yourself.

3. Dwight Howard

We hired a team of expert rocket scientists and middle school cheerleaders to analyze this logo. You WON’T BELIEVE what they found, or the in-depth infographic they produced:

dhup

Also pictured: the word “dhup”

As you can see, the logo subconsciously forms the letter S as in “really sucks now.”

4. Blake Griffin

griffin

Apparently the Clippers now have yellow shorts?

What the logo means: It’s a B and a G, for obvious reasons.

Why it is horrible: This logo looks like it belongs on a car, and no, definitely not a certain Kia with a 5-star Crash Test Safety Rating. The angles of the letters form a rough wing pattern, which could represent Blake’s ability to fly, but they also end up creating a weird V in the middle. There is no V in Blake “My Team Wins More When I’m Hurt” Griffin. So why the V?

The rest of the negative space looks like a gun on the left, and a broken leg on the right. Can someone page Carl Landry that we found his logo?

5. John Wall

this is really his logo

Wizards Coach Scott Brooks holds up the logo that really is exactly like John Wall’s. (Hint: John’s rocking the one on the right.)

What the logo means: As you can clearly see, this logo features the letters J and W, because by NBA law, modern player logos can only use initials.

Why it is horrible: This logo was clearly a rip-off of Weyerhammer Paper Company from The Office, whose Airstream Deluxe A4 model truly is the Cadillac of paper.

Did the guy at Adidas who made this logo later join the Melania Trump speech writing team? (The previous joke was topical, socially indicating my knowledge of current events with a wink and a nod.)

6. Dwyane Wade

WayofWade

All I can say is: WoW

What the logo means: Apparently, you can spell W-A-D-E using the top, bottom, left, and right portions of the circle respectively. Our team of scientist-cheerleaders says not to try this at home.

Why it is horrible: It’s eerily similar to the logo for Stance, the sock company Wade signed with before releasing his own logo. It also looks like an asshole, which may or may not be a coincidence.

7. Paul Pierce

12-paul-pierce-nike-shoe-logo1

P^2

What the logo means: Pretty please, kill me.

Why it is horrible: Could be mistaken for I2, an unfinished R, just the letter P, or the Egyptian hieroglyph for “faking an injury.”

8. Lance Stephenson

Stephenson

Pictured: Lance Stephenson, twice

What the logo means: It’s Lance Stephenson’s face.

Why it is horrible: It’s Lance Stephenson’s face.

9. Charles Barkley

Barkley

C(huge ass)3

What the logo means: This is meant to show Charles Barkley, having secured a rebound.

Why it is horrible: Ah yes, what could be more iconic than Barkley’s form after grabbing a board? What other athletic feat could produce such a stunning silhouette?

This abomination looks like a suburban mother of three who dressed as a ninja turtle for the neighborhood costume party. Its only saving grace is Chuck’s serious donk.

10. Vince Carter

Carter

Are those thresher maws tiled in the background? I truly cannot tell.

What the logo means: Somewhere in this image, the designers have cleverly hidden a V, a C, and the number 15 from the eyes of any and all inquisitive viewers.

Why it is horrible: “Hey Rupert, how can we visually symbolize one of the most aesthetically graceful players ever?”

“Let’s try to cram a bunch of shit into as small an area as possible.”

“That sounds great, and won’t look like a Russian porn app either”

11. Ray Allen

Ray

If the R is the trajectory of Allen’s shot, he’s fucked.

What the logo means: Ray Allen likes to shoot and his name is Ray.

Why it is horrible: In the nineties, silhouettes were in, à la Michael Jordan. But there’s nothing iconic about shooting a jumpshot per se. Really, everyone shoots jumpshots.

Cue the logo maker: “How can we make it clear that this is Ray Allen shooting a jumpshot… OH! Let’s spell his name and make him the R. But uh, just the straight part, it’s still the nineties.”

12. Rasheed Wallace

rasheed-wallace-jumpshot-logo.jpg

“Let not thy left leg know what thy right leg doeth.” – Mathhew 6:3

What the logo means: It’s Rasheed, either shooting, or dunking, or grabbing a rebound, or maybe just holding the ball away from a squabble of kids below.

Why it is horrible: If this shitty silhouette is supposed to show Sheed shooting, well shucks. It doesn’t look like his jumper at all (note his lack of leg kick in real life).

If it’s meant to show him dunking straight up-and-down like a pencil, grabbing a rebound directly above his head, or torturing tiny children, the designer should be shot.

13. Kobe Bryant, Adidas Era

adidas-the-kobe-sample-4-620x413

We’re “passing” on this one

What the logo means: It’s the fro-file of a young Kobe Bryant.

Why it is horrible: This could very well be the profile of any human being with a head and/or face. The point of a logo is to make the consumer think of a singular player, not the collection of most humans on Earth. At least the shoes weren’t horribl-

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Life imitates art, but these look like concept car models

BONUS ROUND: Anthony “Freak Geek” Davis

At just 23 years of age, Anthony Davis still lacks both “teammates” and a “Nike signature logo.” Naturally, we propose the only rational option for the Brow: 

4682999150164754_615b67fffb2e75bcf6b0612c78f755c6f032be3c4712a7f8ee47b988c7662be0_large

A wax and an orthodontist

 

Mike (@Schubes17) is an editor at Chode League and is the “Suit” half of Suit & Nut. This article was edited by Ricky, the founder of Chode League and the “Nut” of Suit & Nut.

J.J. Redick is the G.O.A.T.

Though he single-handedly murdered the Trailblazers last night, some may still be debating whether or not J.J. Redick should be a Hall of Famer. As a painfully biased J.J. fan, the choice is obvious, but to make the decision easier for you, we here at Chode League have hand-picked stats a la ESPN to make J.J. Redick look like what he truly is: the greatest player of all time.

When it comes to discussions of who is the G.O.A.T., two names are said most often: Michael Jordan and J.J. Redick. Though most would lean towards selecting MJ in this case, consider this fact: J.J. Redick’s teams have a 6-3 record when he shoots 100% from the field. Michael Jordan? 0-0. Jordan has not once shot 100% from the field, while Redick has done it 9 times. If that doesn’t make the case clear enough, how about this:

J.J. Redick is the only player with 33 points, 7 3PM, 3 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, and 1 turnover in under 32 minutes. Unprecedented.

J.J. Redick

“Thirty-three! Damn, I’d better sub out quick!”

Many are making the claim this season that Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time. That’s interesting, because J.J. Redick is the only player to score at least 40 points, while making at least 9 threes on at most 12 attempts, with at least 9 free throws on at most 9 tries. Sounds like Steph should hit the gym. Or maybe algebra class?

Speaking of shooting perfect free throws, J.J. Redick has more career games in which he made all of his free throws (279) than Stephen Curry (261) and Kevin Durant (255). Thundersticks do not intimidate J.J. Redick.

Many of the greats are praised for their ability to take their game to the next level on the road. Well J.J. Redick is no different, as he is the last starter to score at least 26 points, make 5 threes, and record only 1 foul on 90% shooting on the road since Reggie Miller. No, I am not kidding you.

Some NBA fans will agree that J.J. Redick is a great scorer, but cannot lead an offense like someone such as LeBron. Well these casuals better do their homework, because there are only two current NBA players to score at least 30 pts, on 90% 2pt shooting, with 8 FTA: J.J. Redick and LeBron James.

Case closed. Doc Rivers should stop referring to the Clippers as having a “Big Three,” and instead should recognize he has an Enormous One.

(All stats via Basketball Reference)

Mike Schubert (@Schubes17) is an editor at ChodeLeague.com and is the Suit half of Chode League’s “Suit & Nut.”

A Completely Statistical Analysis of the Game of the Year: Lakers vs. 76ers

One could say that the 76ers’ quest for their first win continues tonight, but that person would be wrong since Hinkie’s dream is for the Sixers to go 0-82 and look at you like “this shit gravy.” Philadelphia has made history by being the only sports franchise to lose 27 consecutive games, but tonight they face an equally terrible but incredibly more confusing Lakers team. This is the only game this year in which the Sixers are favored (53%) so let’s take an in-depth analytical look at both squads to try to determine who will prevail.

ap_joel-embiid-sam-hinkie-chris-szagola-940x540

Philadelphia

  • The Sixers rank last in Points per Game, Offensive Rating, Turnover %, FG%, and Opponents’ Blocked Shots per Game (and they’re in the bottom 5 for so many more)
  • The team’s two highest paid players (Javale McGee and Gerald Wallace) are not even on the roster anymore after being waived. The third-highest, Carl Landry, is out with an injury until January, and the fourth-highest paid player is anti-walking boot lobbyist, Joel Embiid.
  • They have the draft rights to a player named Chukwudiebere Maduabum but for some godforsaken reason do not have him on the active roster.
  • Robert Covington, who is 25 years old, is the oldest man to suit up this year
  • Dario Saric’s goal is to avoid joining the Sixers until the 2017-18 season, where he can go full Mirotic and bypass the rookie-level salary scale.
  • Jerami Grant spells his name with an “I” at the end like he’s a stripper.

Los Angeles

  • They have the second-worst record in the league, despite having the second easiest schedule thus far.
  • The Lakers rank in the bottom 5 in the NBA for Offensive Rating, Defensive Rating, Opponents’ PPG, FG%, 3-PT%, 2-PT%, Rebounds per game, points per game, and more that I didn’t feel like typing.
  • Robert Sacre has only played in 1 game this year (4 total minutes)
  • Kobe Bryant is leading the team in assists per game with a blistering 3.4 apg
  • Swaggy P “Nick” Young’s 3-PT% is more than twice that of Kobe Bryant’s
  • Metta World Peace is getting more playing time than Ryan Kelly, Larry Nance Jr., Brandon Bass, Tarik Black, Anthony Brown, and more, despite being Metta World Peace.

This matchup allows us to see two great athletes fade away before our very eyes: one is a top 10 player of all time, and the other tried to sneak into a bar with a fake ID despite being a famous, underage basketball player. What a time to be alive.

 

 

Mike Previews: The Game of the Year, Nets vs. Lakers

I don’t always tank but when I do, I prefer dos and eighty.

Today is the day we’ve all been waiting for. Tonight, at 7:30 PM Eastern, NBA fans around the world can finally stop salivating because THE BROOKLYN NETS ARE SQUARING OFF AGAINST THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS. Oh boy, what better way to spend a Friday night than watching the two worst teams in basketball battle it out in a contest to see who can play less shittily for 48 minutes? Two winless teams enter, one team leaves with the ability to be labeled “The only win they have this season is against the Nets/Lakers.” To get fully prepared for this shitshow, let’s look at some stats for these two powerhouse candidates for “Team Most Likely to be Relegated to the D-League.”

Lakers Nets
They have played the statistically easiest schedule of any team thus far this year, but remain 0-4. They are the worst team in New York, which is a city that is also home to the New York Knicks
Against this weak schedule, they have given up an average of 117 points per game Opponents are shooting 42% from 3 against the Nets, which is almost double their 3PT%
Byron Scott is on pace to double the previous record of fans asking “What the fuck is he doing?” previously set by Byron Scott in the 2014-2015 season. They don’t possess their own draft pick for the next three years
In the 13 of the 22 team stats the basketball-reference.com lists, the Lakers are in the bottom-10 in the league. Jay-Z is rapidly approaching the need to look at you like “this shit gravy” in response to the Nets going 0-82
Jack Nicholson’s superfan game is vastly inferior to Spike Lee’s The only player on the team with a positive win share statistic is Brook Lopez, who boasts a blistering 0.6 WS.
Kobe Bryant, a career 33% 3-Pt shooter, is shooting 20% from 3 and has attempted more 3s than 8 Lakers have attempted field goals. In 16 of the 19 “Team Miscellaneous” stats recorded by basketball-reference.com, the Nets rank in the bottom 5 in the NBA.
Los Angeles is not known for its lakes Andrea Bargnani is on the roster
They lead the league in Defensive Rating and Turnover % (which are not things in which a team wants to lead) It is not clear what looks worse: Lionel Hollins’ fingers or this Nets team

So grab some friends, copious amounts of alcohol, and a laughtrack, because those things are the only way to make watching this heated battle a somewhat bearable experience. Tune in tonight to see Kobe vs Joe Johnson, Scott vs Hollins, and Sacre vs Bargnani in a contest between Worst and Somehow Worse Than That. The NBA, where amazingly terrible happens.

The NBA, where amazingly terrible happens.

P.S.: Check out this Bleacher Report blast from the past, featuring the saddest poll ever:

Not included: Satan.

Rose removes leg as reminder to stop thinking about leg

After hearing that teammate Jimmy Butler had removed his rear-view mirror as a symbol to never look back, Derrick Rose’s competitive nature might have gotten the best of him. Rose removed his left leg as a symbol to never look down.

“Well you know, I think driving without a rear-view mirror might be dangerous. But it definitely can’t be as dangerous as driving to the basket with knees like mine,” Rose explained.

“Now that I’m on wheels, I feel better than ever. I just hope I can take this wheelchair basketball team to the mountaintop.”

“And I’d like to clarify that I am definitely the brace of this franchise,” the 2011 MVP added.

Pictured: Derrick Rose leans back into a fadeaway.

Reactions from Derrick’s teammates were mostly poor. While many projected that his high-arcing floater and strong basketball IQ might still be helpful, the general consensus was that Rose was getting a little weird about his personal insecurities.

“I’m not sure if our team can handle an extra perimeter defender who’s always on skates,” admitted Doug McDermott.

“Me parece un desastre,” added Pau Gasol, who was so distraught he was unable to communicate in English.

Jimmy Butler himself was amused by the situation.

“Derrick is the zero this city deserves, but not the one it needs right now,” he said.