SUIT & NUT: Stance NBA Core Socks Rankings

The NBA is no stranger to great accessories: Kareem put Rec Specs on the map, headbands have stayed popular for decades, and Allen Iverson introduced sleeves that do nothing. Despite the increasing flashiness of socks made by athletic companies since 2010, the NBA stood pat in its rule that game socks must either be all white or all black. This season, that awful Berlin Wall of a rule came crumbling down when the NBA made Stance the official sock partner of the NBA.

Creating unique designs for 30 NBA teams is a daunting task, but Stance handled it well. Most of these look great on the court with the jerseys, many translate well for the average NBA fan to wear during pickup, and a few are just…interesting. Suit & Nut presents a ranking of all the Stance Core socks from worst to first, based on how well the socks fit with the uniform, if they translate well for fans to wear in public, and uniqueness.

TEAMS 26-30: SOCK ME IN THE FACE.

30. Houston ROCKETS

SUIT: Shitty jerseys warrant shitty socks.

NUT: Nothing says Houston like wavy,  pinkish lines. Except maybe anything else.

tjvnkws

“Actually, I wasn’t saying anything.”

As mentioned in our jersey rankings last year, the Rockets have the worst jerseys in the NBA, so it’s fitting that they have the worst socks too. Stance cannot be put entirely at fault here, but nothing about these socks is exciting. The thick red bar surrounded by thinner, wavy red lines just looks strange. It would’ve been nice to incorporate the Rockets’ Asian-inspired lettering, or even the exhaust of a rocket ship. But as-is, even the Yao meme face is cooler.

29. Brooklyn NETS

SUIT: Given nothing to work with, Stance at least tried something new

NUT: Very minimal and cleaned out, much like the Nets’ roster.

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Even Stance is too ashamed to feature these socks on their site, so here is a shittier, tinier picture.

Black is cool, right? Well…not when it’s the ultimate symbol of an empty void of a franchise. It’s unseen in the picture, but there is a vertical grey stripe on the front that at least brings uniqueness to the design. Even so, most people wouldn’t notice you were wearing these. In Stance’s defense, the Nets have ultra-simplistic jerseys and a boring team name, so there wasn’t much to work with here. It’s okay, most people in Brooklyn don’t notice the Nets anyway.

28. Los Angeles CLIPPERS

SUIT: As bad as the rebrand.

NUT: If you wore this to a pickup game I would think you were cosplaying as boredom.

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Actually, I’m dressed as choking.”

Like the Rockets, the Clippers have no soul let Stance down with their widely hated rebranding. Had they given the fans a cool nautical-themed redesign, we could be looking at socks with anchors, or maybe choppy waves on them. Instead, we get one thick red stripe and one thin blue stripe. How balanced and classic! These socks are about as aesthetically pleasing as DeAndre’s free throw shooting.

27. Chicago BULLS

SUIT: Chicago’s iconic uniforms deserved better.

NUT: Of all the socks, maybe this is the one that no one needs to buy.

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Pictured: The Stance “KFC” Core Sock

The biggest issue with these socks is that they are entirely too white. The Bulls’ red and black color combination is one of the most recognizable in the league, so it’s a huge shame that Stance held back. Adding more color to the mix — maybe even replicating the black and red pinstripes — would have been ideal. But if you wear these socks, no one will guess which team you’re even repping.

26. Dallas MAVERICKS

SUIT: Every bit as flashy as Zaza Pachulia.

NUT: And like Zaza, this sock could have belonged to about fifteen NBA teams.

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The only NBA sock designed to be concealed under boots.

Dallas’ sock falls short by being simple to a fault. The evenly spaced pattern incorporating the blue-and-gray color scheme is fine, but it cuts off awkwardly just about halfway down the sock, making the sock look incomplete. Giving up halfway through is so Rondo-era anyway.

TEAMS 21-25: HEEL NO.

25. Atlanta HAWKS

SUIT: So much potential wasted.

NUT: What do we want? Neon green! Where do we want it? Where it will be hidden by almost any shoe.

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I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. Also, I’m furious.

The Hawks unveiled incredibly divisive uniforms this year, and whether you love them or hate them (we are huge fans), Stance had an amazing opportunity to play off Atlanta’s new triangle motif. Instead, the Hawks were given a sock that is mostly white and has no clear design direction. The pattern only covers the back portion of the sock, and mysteriously features a red pyramid made up of lines with uneven thicknesses. Overall, these socks are perfect if you’re too embarrassed to show anyone standing in front of you that you’re wearing Hawks socks.

24. Detroit PISTONS

SUIT: Shitty enough to be confused with the Clippers

NUT: You know these socks make me think of? Delicious Crest Toothpaste, sponsored by ChodeLeague.com!

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Form a fucking wall against gingivitis! Tell your cashier about ChodeLeague.com for $0 off your next purchase.

These socks don’t scream DEEETROOIITTT BAAASKETBAAALLLLL by any means, but at least the pattern looks clean and simple. Stance isn’t really at fault since the Pistons lack anything distinctive about their current uniforms (why not add patches of shoulder hair?), but the end result is still mostly underwhelming.

23. Boston CELTICS

SUIT: Sadly, no clovers in the atmosphere.

NUT: It’s green alright, but that’s hardly an accomplishment in a world so lushly full of other green objects, like grass or trees or better socks.

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They could at least put a picture of Larry Bird giving the finger.

Looks like Boston’s luck o’ the Irish fell short here. A three-leaf clover design seems like the obvious design choice for Celtics socks, but instead Boston was given, uh…green stripes. That’s it? Not even a hint of gold?

22. Philadelphia 76ERS

SUIT: It has stars. Woohoo?

NUT: The 76ers have no stars, so this sock doesn’t match the team’s culture.

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To both of our fans: please stop sending me “Ish Smith for MVP” emails.

Bonus points for going with stars over more red, white, and blue stripes, but that’s really all this sock has going for it. Overall, the sock is a bit bland and does not translate well to wearing in pickup. It would have been cool to see something with a 7 on one sock and a 6 on the other. Or maybe lottery balls.

21. Orlando MAGIC

SUIT: Perfect match for the jersey, but don’t wear them in public.

NUT: I hate these fucking socks and, metaphors aside, having pregnant feet doesn’t look cool.

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#PregnantShaming

Like the team itself, the socks subtly mirror the stretchmarks of a franchise swollen with potential. The pinstripes are distinctly reminiscent of the pinstripes on Orlando’s jerseys, and can work as part of that look. But wearing these in public would look silly, so please don’t.

TEAMS 16-20: A LEG TO STAND ON.

20. Los Angeles LAKERS

SUIT: Why so white? What is this, The Oscars?

NUT: Why do the yellow lines go up and down like a square wave? That’s not Lakery, that’s fakery.

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“These socks are in style and denial.” -Clyde Frazier, probably.

The Lakers have one of the most iconic jerseys in the entire league. Sadly, these socks are only semi-identifiable as a Lakers sock. L.A. is clearly identified as “Purple and Gold,” but once you put on shoes, these socks are significantly lacking in the purple department. Why not try adding the 16 championship stars in their center court logo, or some other stylish touch? How about you make it clear that these socks belong to one of the most famous franchises in all of sports? These socks are nice, but they aren’t Showtime yet.

19. Indiana PACERS

SUIT: Nice design, but when did grey become their primary color?

NUT: Pro: looks cool. Con: doesn’t look like the Pacers.

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It reminds me of Bing.

The two arrows are a nice play on the traditional horizontal stripe pattern seen on most of these socks. However, the overall grayness of the sock looks a bit bland, which somehow reminds me of C.J. Miles. Ugh, I didn’t want to think about him. The Pacers’ color scheme is navy and gold, so why not feature those colors more prominently?

18. Milwaukee BUCKS

SUIT: Meshes well with the color scheme, but that’s about it.

NUT: This sock is as dull as my grandmother I don’t visit.

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I really don’t like her cookies either.

These socks do a fantastic job of capturing the Bucks’ fresh new color scheme: primarily green and cream, with accents of black and blue. Unfortunately, they also represent Milwaukee well by being incredibly drab and boring. They’re not exciting socks, but they work well enough for a city best-known for having indoor tunnels connecting all its buildings.

17. Toronto RAPTORS

SUIT: BRING BACK THE PURPLE.

NUT: If you wore these to a pickup game I would guess you had mixed them up in the wash. Or maybe the trash?

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Pro: colorful. Con: that color is red.

The Raptors ditched purple much like Carter ditched the team, and what an enduring mistake. These socks aren’t bad, but just remind us of what could have been. Sigh.

16. San Antonio SPURS

SUIT: I guess it matches the boring jerseys?

NUT: Well, I know it does.

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Tim Duncan designed these socks while volunteering in a nursing home. In a fifty-minute presentation, he explained to a design committee of retired Depression-era seniors that the silver and white stripes added “visual interest,” but “hopefully not too much pizzazz.”

The Spurs already have a boring color scheme and boring jerseys, so it only makes sense to throw in boring socks as well! But really, the world needs San Antonio to embrace the teal, pink, and orange again. Even Kawhi couldn’t look bored in that. And can you imagine this sock with three colorful fiesta stripes? Now that would be a sock as beautiful as Spurs basketball.

TEAMS 11-15: NOT CALF BAD.

15. Utah JAZZ

SUIT: Are the diagonals a mountain? They should be a mountain.

NUT: The white diagonal stripes weird me out, like when spaces on a page of a novel line up.

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You know what else weirds me out? When I look at Gobert’s arms for too long. I feel like his biceps and forearms are the exact same size and length, and his elbows look like thoroughly inadequate hinges to hold it all together. Then he lets it all droop from his shoulders like he has the arms of a 70-year-old man. Sorry, what are we talking about?

An ideal sock for the Jazz would have somehow captured that classic mountain range logo we’ve come to associate with losing the Finals in heart-breaking fashion. Instead, we are left with what I think are crop circles? It’s hard to tell what’s going on with all the white in this sock, but they still look nice.

14. SacramenToe KINGS

SUIT: Cool colors, confusing design.

NUT: In this cool throwback sock, the Sacramento Kings pay homage to gladiator sandals from the 204-205 A.D. season.

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How “””””unique.”””””

The diagonal zigzags are unique, and the purple and black make for a solidly recognizable combination. That being said, the design itself is a bit confusing. Why not arrange the zigzags to form the Kings crown, and pay homage to the logo? That would be fun. Meh, must be Vivek’s fault.

13. Minnesota TIMBERWOLVES

SUIT: Awesome design, but needs more colors. Hey, so do the Wolves.

NUT: Con: drawing angel wings on the back won’t make you dunk any higher.

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Conceptually, I want to like it. Like drafting Jonny Flynn. Unfortunately, I am cursed with eyes.

Not only do these socks semi-recognizably incorporate the logo of the Timberwolves, but they also arrange the logo such that the full picture spans both socks. It’s an interesting choice. It…kinda doesn’t work, mainly due to all the white space. We wouldn’t wear these outside.

12. Memphis GRIZZLIES

SUIT: So fresh, but why so grey?

NUT: Looks like Derek Fisher isn’t the only one fucking over the Grizzlies this year.

 

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“Suit and Nut’s comments condoning violence do not reflect who we are as a league or the character of our players,” said Kiki VanDeWeghe, NBA executive vice president of basketball operations.

The pattern on these socks is actually really nice and beautifully simplistic. The problem with this pair is the overuse of gray on both the stripes and the ankle panels. It’s a bit too much. Swap out yellow for either one of those, and Memphis’ socks would have a much-needed punch of color. But enough about punches.

11. Phoenix SUNS

SUIT: The Suns need to bring back purple so Stance can make a better version.

NUT: This is my 258th highest priority if I’m running the 2015-16 Phoenix Suns. And at this point, I might as well be.

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257th priority: The fans.

The gradually-thinning stripes are a nice breath of fresh air in Stance’s sock line, and honestly the orange itself is pretty nice. As much as we’d like to penalize them for omitting purple from the design, we can’t. Recently, the Suns have been making a (foolishly) concerted effort to remove purple from their color scheme. And also to remove all talent from their roster. Anyway, a purple-and-orange remix of these next year would be incredible. Pretty please?

TEAMS 6-10: A STEP UP.

10. Oklahoma City THUNDER

SUIT: They look great with the jersey, but are the jerseys that great?

NUT: Why was that a question?

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And why were those uniforms the answer?

Nothing too creative, but these flow with the OKC uniforms so well. Though the Thunder’s color scheme may not be everyone’s favorite, it is certainly distinctive, and these socks make it very clear which team they belong to. That’s honestly all you were looking for in a $26 sock — you wanted to own the only piece of art in Oklahoma.

9. Cleveland CAVALIERS

SUIT: Ugh.

NUT: Pro: no white. Con: no Wade or Bosh.

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Fuck the Cavs, we all miss the Heatles. For all its talent, this team is still weirdly boring. We’re done talking about these socks, even though they’re kinda fresh.

8. Miami HEAT

SUIT: Distinctly Miami. Dale.

NUT: A slick look for the NBA’s cocky villains. Or rather, Goran Dragic to wear when he fucks up again.

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Sometimes I miss Chalmers, but that’s just the magic of Moron Dragic.

This sock reflects both the color scheme and overall design of the Heat jerseys very well. Yellow for the ankle panels would’ve made for a nice pop of color, but there isn’t much yellow in the Heat’s jerseys, so that’s okay. Everything just makes sense here, and these socks even translate well to everyday use, so we give these a full green light for pickup.

7. New York KNICKS

SUIT: Kristaps Porzingis #NBAVote

NUT: The orange waves are weird. The amount of gray is weird. The Knicks fans are weird. Perfect sock for them.

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(Please don’t make him an All-Star.)

Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis these socks look cool Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis Porzingis.

6. New Orleans PELICANS

SUIT: Makes their color scheme look sweet: a pleasant surprise.

NUT: Doesn’t remind me of birds, 0/10.

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These have been the only good news for Pelicans fans all year.

When the Pelicans didn’t throw caution to the wind and make their color scheme a purple, green, and gold Mardi Gras celebration, many NBA fans were disappointed at the loss of what could have been. Well, we were disappointed. But put all that aside! These socks really showcase the potential of the color palette that New Orleans did choose. The deep navy, gold, and shock red look classy together, creating a color combo not only rarely seen in the NBA, but also in everyday basketball clothes. These should translate seamlessly to the gym, unlike your unibrow.

TEAMS 1-5: TOETALLY TUBULAR.

5. Washington WIZARDS

SUIT: Somehow managed to make a simple two-stripe sock scream Wizards.

NUT: Somehow managed to make a simple Eastern Conference schedule scream losing.

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What’s with all the screaming? OH MY GOD I love these socks.

Many teams in the NBA have a red, white, and blue color scheme, and many of Stance’s socks for these teams could be interchangeable. However, these socks are so distinctly Washington it’s hard to believe. The Wizards’ uniforms have just a few characteristically-wide stripes, and these socks match perfectly. Well done, Stance.

4. Golden State WARRIORS

SUIT: Simple, but understandably so.

NUT: This one uses open white space effectively, much like the Warriors do while spacing the floor.

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It’s beautiful, but I do kinda wish it had the bridge or the trolley.

As mentioned in our jersey rankings last year, the Warriors clearly have the best uniforms in the league. Thus, creating a great sock for them would only require making something that flowed well with the jersey. Stance did just that. It’s a bit safe, but it makes for a nice-looking sock for both pros and everyday ballers. Wear these and heave up idiot threes to your heart’s content.

3. Portland TRAIL BLAZERS

SUIT: In two stripes, these socks perfectly represent the Blazers.

NUT: Though to be fair, no one has fucked this up in thirty years.

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And we are super fair.

The Blazers have always done an incredible job of turning their fantastic logo into a very recognizable aspect of their jerseys. Every Portland jersey since the formation of the team has followed the same general theme, and by now the striped look is downright iconic. Fortunately, Stance continued things perfectly with these socks. They are simple yet elegant, and compliment the Blazers’ uniforms flawlessly.

2. Charlotte HORNETS

SUIT: On their own, fresh. When paired with the jersey, incredible.

NUT: These are viable for a wedding or bar mitzvah. It’s so weird that Michael Jordan’s team has turned fashionable on him.

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Now this is art.

Easily the best use of a nonspecific pattern for a team sock. Charlotte has one of the boldest color schemes in the league, and Stance used it to its fullest potential in these socks. The narrow stripe pattern is very modern, which works incredibly well with the Hornets’ futuristic jersey design. Even better, these socks look fantastic in general, so fans would only look out of place wearing these in a trailer home.

1. Denver NUGGETS

SUIT: This is what every sock should strive to be.

NUT: The Platonic Form of a regionally-distinctive athletic sock

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Unf, these make me want to move to Denver.

Without a doubt, these are the best socks that Stance has made for the NBA. They perfectly represent the Nuggets’ logo without being too busy or distracting. The color scheme is fully represented, and the socks look great from every angle. Stance has mentioned that sock designs will be changed for next season, so hopefully more team logos can be expanded into the socks like this (imagine a Heat flame sock, or a Suns sunburst sock.) These socks celebrate the Nuggets in the best way, and they are simply beautiful.


There you have it, another definitive list that will anger many and confuse most as to why we care about socks so much. All in all, we’re just glad that the NBA added some style to the game by partnering with Stance. The Core socks and Logo socks both look dope, and the special event socks such as Christmas and MLK Day were beyond fresh. Keep it up, Stance. We’re excited to see what you bring out in the future.

s&n big

Suit (Mike) & Nut (Ricky) are writers for ChodeLeague.com and hosts of the Suit & Nut Podcast. They also run Chode League, a bad-on-purpose fantasy basketball league. You can follow them on Twitter at @ChodeLeague.

Remembering the 2014-15 Chode League Season

One of the perks of coming in first (or last) in Chode League is the privilege of writing an oral history celebrating your accomplishment which will be enshrined on this website for as long as we keep paying $26 a year for the domain name. Below, our smartest and stupidest owners of last year come together to share their versions of an unforgettable season.

Chodiest Team
“You Trying to Get the Pipe?”
Worst Place Champion: Mike

PRESEASON PREPARATIONS
MIKE: SHAME. Regret. Disappointment. Failure. These were all of the emotions I felt after the regular season of last year’s Chode League came to a close. I led the league in transactions, and I probably led the league in “time spent worrying about how to improve Chode League.” I helped refine the Chode League scoring formula, I spoke with Commissioner Ricky about the league often, and I was a premier judge of the league. Despite my efforts, I failed to make the Chode Playoffs last year. I could have simply blamed bad luck, but that is the nature of the beast that is Chode League: you can never predict chodery. Chode League is much like Settlers of Catan in the sense that you can have the greatest strategy of all, but then 3 can be rolled six times in a row and you will find a way to lose. During the offseason, I was determined to come back the following year with a roster and gameplan that was better, more reliable, and above all else, chodier.

Enter the draft, which I knew would be incredibly important. Not only had I spent too much time hunting for free agents last year, but with this year’s Chode Leag-ue sporting twenty teams, I knew the waiver wire would be more barren than ever. I researched quality chodes from last year, I analyzed how trades would raise and lower the chodiness of certain players, and I looked into which rookies would be placed into situations that would breed chodiness. However, the most important decision I made on draft day had nothing to do with my player selection. Rather than go with my standard team name I’ve used throughout the years, Victorious Egret, I decided to switch it up. Victorious Egret is a great pun, but I needed something chodier. I looked no further than the ringmaster of all things absurd on my beloved Knicks, J.R. Smith. In honor of his chodiness and as a wish for him to guide me as my guardian angel, I chose the team name “You Trying To Get The Pipe?” and accompanied my new team name with one of the greatest photos of all time.

headerjr

Never forget

DRAFT DAY
The auction style draft began, and I knew I had to be smart about which players I chose. I knew I had to refrain from spending too much money on one particular player, as taking that risk had been my demise last year. I let big ticket chodes like DeMarcus Cousins, JaVale McGee, and Kendrick Perkins go despite the temptation of guaranteed Shaqtin A Fool appearances. I knew I had to be smarter with my draft money. I wanted to build the chodey Spurs, not the chodey Heat/Cavs.

My first pick was Larry Sanders, a player that I did not necessarily have my eyes set on, but who fell into my lap at an affordable price. My second pick was the man I knew I wanted all along, Jason Thompson. The two-time reigning Chodiest Man of the Year had been on my roster the previous two seasons, and I knew I needed him back in my life. I then drafted Carl Landry completely by accident (I was trying to ramp up his price but no one bid after me). This minor setback was a wake-up call that reminded me I need to be more alert and careful in this clusterfuck of a draft.

My next draft selection was my first expensive purchase, who I had identified as my #1 target before the draft began. Evan Turner, who was incredibly chodey in the previous year, was now a member of the Boston Celtics. With little talent around him, Turner was going to be asked to be a primary scoring option, and I was confident this would result in an incredibly chodey season. I snagged Rudy Gobert and Enes Kanter, who were both chodey bigs that occasionally found themselves on Shaqtin A Fool. Khris Middleton was added simply because I needed a SF (statistically the least chodey position), he was cheap, and he was chodey last year. I then spent some big bucks to acquire Mario Chalmers and Dante Exum, who were both being placed in the situation of being asked to be primary point guards on their teams while also being bad at basketball. The Exum pick was especially sweet because I outbid Commissioner Ricky by $1 more than he had remaining in order to secure that only I could draft him. If champion Tyler taught me anything last year, it was that Chode League drafts are won in the final rounds when you have more money to throw around than everyone else.

My next pick was arguably the highlight of the evening. With most people out of money, I nominated someone I knew I wholeheartedly wanted on my team: J.R. Smith. The fact that no one had put him up for auction yet in the draft was absurd to me. I knew that my gameplan was to let everyone spend their money so I could get him for cheap, but never in a million years did I expect to draft THE J.R. Smith for one dollar. ONE DOLLAR. This was a sign from the heavens. Clearly, J.R. was watching over me after I decided to name my team after him. The fact that I only spent $1 on J.R. left me with $30 to sign two players. At this point, most people did not have over $10, so I was at a huge advantage to do something monumental.

I made a bold move, and spent my remaining big bucks on Derrick Rose, outbidding the field and the autodraft bots who thought he was a viable fantasy option. It was a risky move, but after seeing Rose shoot abysmally from the field in the team USA trials, I knew he had the potential to be chodey. With my final pick I chose Hollis Thompson because I had never heard of him and he was the starting center of the Philadelphia 76ers, so I knew he probably wasn’t very good.

THE SEASON STARTS
With the season underway, I was incredibly satisfied with my roster, but I knew it wasn’t perfect. I won the first two matchups handedly, but certain players on my team simply weren’t chodey enough. Due to an unfortunate injury to Ricky Rubio, I knew a chode was about to be born: Zach “Fuck Me” LaVine. I shied away from LaVine in the Chode League draft because I knew he would be the third string guard behind Rubio and Mo Williams. However, this injury opened a short and wide door for Zach, and the room he entered was lined with chode-wood flooring.

Throughout the year, I acted as I do in every fantasy sports league I have ever participated in, and started adding and dropping players rapidly until I found solid contributors I could rely on. Isaiah Thomas, Shabazz Napier, Rodney Hood, Lance Thomas, and Nick Calathes came and went, among countless others. However, I did secure Elijah Millsap through this process, and he remained an important member of my squad for the rest of the year.

THE PAIN OF SACRIFICE
Since I was so proud of the roster I drafted, it was tough to part with some of my players that were underachieving in their chodiness. Enes Kanter proved to be a disappointment all season, mainly due to his lack of foolish actions of the Shaqtin nature. He was a regular on Shaqtin last year, but simply was not being enough of an idiot this season to warrant a spot on my roster. Derrick Rose was another one that was tough to let go. I assumed Rose would be a polarizing player; he would either be incredibly chodey or significantly efficient. Despite my desire to see my risky sleeper pick come to fruition, I eventually had to part ways with him. He spent too much time on the sidelines and was too often performing well when he saw the hardwood. I dropped him just at the right time, as he underwent meniscus surgery a few weeks after I let him go.

One of my greatest additions to my roster through free agency was the chode we all know and love, Michael Beaseley. Once I saw the HEAT signed him to a 10-day contract, I immediately placed a significantly large offer for him on the free agent auction. I was confident in his ability to be an enormous chode, and boy oh boy did he prove me right.

My free agency was not perfect, however. I dropped the ball by forgetting to increase my bid on Henry Walker past $1 before the deadline, and had to witness him go off for a 50-point chode outing against me one week later. I spent $50 chode league dollars on Tim Frazier, who was dropped one week later. I signed Draymond Green for a week, thinking that his high number of fouls and technicals he obtained one week would sustain themselves, and he erupted for a week’s worth of smart and efficient basketball. It was not a perfect season by any means, and there was no more evident proof of that than Evan Turner.

THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE EVAN TURNER
Evan Turner, the man who I believed would lead the charge of my team into chodey battle, developed into the truest form of chode. When I say he was the truest form of chode, I do not mean that he went out every night and raked in the chode points. Instead, I mean that he either put up solid chode numbers, or he found a way to get the lamest triple doubles that sunk me just enough to lose matchups. Much to my dismay, Turner finished the season with three triple doubles (13-11-12, 10-12-10, 19-12-10), the last of which came against Chode League’s #1 ranked team of the season in the playoff semifinals. I was familiar with this sort of situation, as Lance Stephenson did the same number on me one year ago. Like Turner, Lance either put up great numbers or got a dinky triple double. This sort of output makes this type of chode incredibly difficult to drop. You don’t want to drop him because he often produces great chode games. You tell yourself that the triple doubles are flukes (10-11-10? Of course that’s a fluke! He won’t do that at least two more times this season…). I never dropped Lance last year, and I never dropped Evan this year. However, the scare Evan gave me in the semifinals left me with no choice but to relegate him to the bench for the finals. He almost single-handedly prevented me from pulling off the greatest upset in Chode League history, so I was not going to even give him the opportunity to ruin my first trip to the finals. Evan was not the reliable chode I thought he would be, but the fact that he was chodey even in his chodiness made him all the more frustratingly perfect.

POSTSCRIPT
Overall, I was incredibly proud of my roster. Throughout the year, they kept finding ways to be chodey, even though I only had one player make one Shaqtin a Fool appearance. I did not have one superstar chode; I had a team of chodes banding together in their stupidity to put together a true force to be reckoned with. My franchise pick, the Brooklyn Nets, was chodey enough to be featured in the Chode League Curse Lottery twice and fortunate enough to win it once. I tackled a team that went on a 19 game winning streak to make it to the finals, I dismantled my opposition in the finals. It was the perfect storm of a season that came together beautifully. Not in the way I planned, not in the way I predicted, but in a way that I could not control.

That is what made it perfect. Chode Leage cannot be predicted. Chode League cannot be tamed. Chode League is a vicious beast, and all you can do is hop on the saddle and hope for the best. Sometimes you fall off immediately, sometimes you get crushed by the horns, but sometimes… sometimes you ride it into the night and bask in your glory. I am honored to be the 2014-15 Chode League champion. I look forward to the challenge of doing what no man has done before: defending the Chode League title. Bring it on, you chodes.

Smartest Team
“Albert and the Ensteins”
First Place Champion: Kevin

In honor of fielding Chode League’s smartest team for two years in a row, Albert and the Ensteins have received a personalized Chode League banner, which will cycle through randomly along with all the others from now until the end of our domain name subscription. Next up, Kevin’s article.

headerenstein

KEVIN: Goddammit I keep forgetting. My genius speaks for itself.

Welp, that’s it everyone. Hope you’re all as excited for 2015-16 as we are. Remember to venmo your league dues to @ChodeLeague.