J.J. Redick is the G.O.A.T.

Though he single-handedly murdered the Trailblazers last night, some may still be debating whether or not J.J. Redick should be a Hall of Famer. As a painfully biased J.J. fan, the choice is obvious, but to make the decision easier for you, we here at Chode League have hand-picked stats a la ESPN to make J.J. Redick look like what he truly is: the greatest player of all time.

When it comes to discussions of who is the G.O.A.T., two names are said most often: Michael Jordan and J.J. Redick. Though most would lean towards selecting MJ in this case, consider this fact: J.J. Redick’s teams have a 6-3 record when he shoots 100% from the field. Michael Jordan? 0-0. Jordan has not once shot 100% from the field, while Redick has done it 9 times. If that doesn’t make the case clear enough, how about this:

J.J. Redick is the only player with 33 points, 7 3PM, 3 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, and 1 turnover in under 32 minutes. Unprecedented.

J.J. Redick

“Thirty-three! Damn, I’d better sub out quick!”

Many are making the claim this season that Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time. That’s interesting, because J.J. Redick is the only player to score at least 40 points, while making at least 9 threes on at most 12 attempts, with at least 9 free throws on at most 9 tries. Sounds like Steph should hit the gym. Or maybe algebra class?

Speaking of shooting perfect free throws, J.J. Redick has more career games in which he made all of his free throws (279) than Stephen Curry (261) and Kevin Durant (255). Thundersticks do not intimidate J.J. Redick.

Many of the greats are praised for their ability to take their game to the next level on the road. Well J.J. Redick is no different, as he is the last starter to score at least 26 points, make 5 threes, and record only 1 foul on 90% shooting on the road since Reggie Miller. No, I am not kidding you.

Some NBA fans will agree that J.J. Redick is a great scorer, but cannot lead an offense like someone such as LeBron. Well these casuals better do their homework, because there are only two current NBA players to score at least 30 pts, on 90% 2pt shooting, with 8 FTA: J.J. Redick and LeBron James.

Case closed. Doc Rivers should stop referring to the Clippers as having a “Big Three,” and instead should recognize he has an Enormous One.

(All stats via Basketball Reference)

Mike Schubert (@Schubes17) is an editor at ChodeLeague.com and is the Suit half of Chode League’s “Suit & Nut.”

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WEEKS 18 & 19 IN (P)REVIEW

With our playoffs right around the corner, I’m updating things now to get the seeding right. But don’t consider these results final — something may still happen over the next 24 hours. So when Adam Silver nails J.R. Smith with a surprise $1,000,000 “idiot tax” at 11:59 p.m. tomorrow night, I’ll be only too happy to apply that sweet -10,000 IQ point penalty.

Well, a man can dream. So let’s get started.

WEEK 18

SHAQ
-100 Carmelo ANTHONY Needless “rings” jab by Shaq, but even worse, we’ve already seen this play on r/nba. The best Shaqtins are surprises, and this one can’t quite measure up. Oh well.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 Derrick WILLIAMS Not just a missed dunk — the airball aspect is pretty fun — but I’m more interested in the announcement of “Diesel’s Dunks of the Week.”

More seriously, this one is elevated by a great cut-away to Coach Rambis.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 Jerami GRANT Was it a pass? A shot? A pass-turned-shot? Every time I’ve watched this clip I’ve upgraded my Shaqtin rating, so I’m going to stop now.

Yeah, using the Sixers as fodder is a bit easy, but check out that reaction from poor Coach Brett.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3.5/4 Shaqs

-100 “Nerlens NOELS” Thank God I didn’t give that last one 4/4, because THIS is what a 4/4 Shaqtin looks like.

First off, Shaq can’t properly pronounce Nerlens Noel’s name, throwing in an extra S at the end. I bet his intern told him to pronounce it as “Nerlens,” and then he got carried away.

Kenny’s proposal to watch entire Sixers games with the word Shaqtin in “the top left-hand screen” (???) draws us further into the senseless depths of a fool’s brain.

And then it happens: Nerlens Noel incomprehensibly throws the ball away, leading his beleaguered coach to scour at the arena replay in disbelief. At first, it’s a bit too strange to even draw a laugh.

But this Shaqtin is sold by the sound effects as multiple Isaiah Canaans pop-pop-pop into existence. I fucking love when Shaqtins receive a little CGI help.

Throw in Charles Barkley’s surpise at Nerlens Noel’s hair — accidentally revealing that he hasn’t watched the Sixers play since 2014 — and you have a perfect fucking Shaqtin.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 4/4 Shaqs

-100 Rajon RONDO ????????

Aaaand crickets. Shaq really knows how to end an episode with widespread confusion and zero laughs. That’s how the universe will end too — whimpering like a bitch.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1/4 Shaqs

MISC
-15 Marcus SMART Fuck the Knicks Fined $15,000.
FUCK
-100 Phoenix SUNS Chuck. League CURSE

WEEK 19

Poor Isiah Thomas is boring. Where are the guys??

SHAQ
-200 James HARDEN That was way too easy. For Shaq, I mean, though I did enjoy the running chants of Olé. And since a pun on “running” would be too easy…

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 Dwight HOWARD I’ve rewatched this several times and I still can’t figure out where Dwight thought he should be running off to guard. Again, this one is slightly hurt by being over-saturated on social media, but who is Shaq to own a Twitter acc–

sikmevh

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 Elfrid PAYTON Painful.

(Bad) ISIAH: “It’s hot, it’s hot.”
(Worse) SHAQ: “It’s getting hot in here.”
(Worst) ISIAH: “I don’t wanna hold to the basketball.”
(???) SHAQ: “It’s hot. It’s hot, chico, it’s hot.”

 

Overall hot rating: 4/4 hots

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1/4 Shaqs

-100 Tim DUNCAN “The Big Dumbdamental,” once again, looks incredibly petty for Shaq. I do like seeing Pop laugh this one off, though Tim’s kinda earned that by Year 18.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3/4 Shaqs

-100 Kendrick PERKINS Pro: Kendrick Perkins (literally a pro)

Con: Punchline is too early.

Con: Laughter is too obviously forced.

Con: Saying nothing for 15 seconds except “I wish I could translate that for you” isn’t how you end a segment like this.

Shaq kind of sucks at wrapping these up right now.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1.5/4 Shaqs

MISC
-20 DeMarcus COUSINS Ain’t nothing but a King thing. Suspended 1 game.
FUCK
-100 Phoenix SUNS Chuck. League CURSE

WEEKS 16 & 17 IN REVIEW

All-Star Weekend has come and gone, and so have we. I don’t know what that means, but I’m glad to be back. There’s so much to cover!!

WEEK 16

Before we even get started, congrats to Shaq and the whole TNT crew on an unforgettably awkward intro. Shaq has trained everyone to “sing” on cue, but without that Pavlovian knoll the whole ritual is undone at the seams. Mostly I wanted to compare the TNT crew to dogs, so let’s get that out of the way:

Kenny SMITH: Yorkshire Terrier

The ideal Yorkshire Terrier character or “personality” is described with a “carriage very upright” and “conveying an important air.”

Charles BARKLEY: American Staffordshire Terrier

The Am Staff is a people-oriented dog that thrives when he is made part of the family and given a job to do.

Ernie JOHNSON: Vizsla

Vizslas are very high energy, gentle-mannered, loyal, caring, and highly affectionate. They quickly form close bonds with their owners, children and even strangers.

Shaquille O’NEAL: Dogue de Bordeaux

The Bordeaux is a very powerful dog, with a very muscular body.

Okay let’s continue.

SHAQ
-100 Kyrie IRVING and Tristan THOMPSON Speaking of dogs, Shaq loses his mind talking about them after an otherwise ordinary NBA double screen develops a minor case of hand-holding.

Not that I love tangents or anything, but here’s the Red Rover Wikipedia page, an in-depth scouting report on children’s playtime activities written for fucking aliens. Here’s the first sentence:

Red rover (also known as forcing the city gates and octopus tag) is a game played primarily by children on playgrounds.

So not only are we defining games, children, and playgrounds, we’re also letting extraterrestrials/morons know that they can call this game octupus tag if they want. The second and third sentences go on to mandate at least ten players, and then two call the teams “East” and “West,” before clarifying that teams may stand in any geographical relation.

Quality Wiki article.

Anyway, the Double Shaqtin is something that should not be invoked by Shaq so lightly. “Doubling up” implies that two players co-ordinated a moment of profound stupidity together, in a way that promises to be at least the sum of its parts. Maybe Tristan Thompson will try to perform any finesse action, which surprises Kyrie? Or maybe Kyrie Irving has some of that Duke tripping ability in him, and Tristan is his unintended victim??

Or maybe just nothing will happen and we’ll walk to the other end of the floor. Offensive foul!

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1/4 Shaqs

-100 Gerald HENDERSON and Meyers LEONARD By now, we have an established precedent that players not specifically named by Shaq can be hit with the -100 Chode Points if other commentators call them out. And when Kenny yells the same thing eight times, he’s unfortunately right every one.

Leonard obviously blows up the play, and on the replay, you can actually see Terry Stotts yelling at Meyers to set a goddamn screen already. When he finally does, he forgets to roll towards the basket. Gerald is trapped and flings the pass toward where Meyers should have been, but his point is made as he peaces the fuck out.

Bonus Shaqtin point for the great setup-and-payoff structure from Gerald’s anger spasm to his sudden turnover a few seconds later.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3/4 Shaqs

-100 Jusuf NURKIC I’m actually not sure if Jusuf is better than Denver’s other huge foreign center with all the J’s and N’s I can never remember (it’s Nikola Jokic.) Good to see Denver following the league trend towards Twin Tower lineups! And who knows, in a few years they finally might be ready to match up with Cleveland.

I love watching Coach Pat Chambers — I mean Mike Malone — stand completely impassively, hands akimbo, from the moment the mismatch emerges. I like that Nurkic can’t even spell Joe Johnson’s name in the follow-up tweet. By the way, is there a more American name possible than Joe Johnson? How do you misspell that? It could be an assumed name from a Soviet propaganda spy novel, and I assume he’s at least read those. But after some research, Nurkic was born in 1994 — five years after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Man, have times changed.

But this play is held back for being more impressive (Joe!) than funny.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3/4 Shaqs

-100 Corey BREWER Are we sure Bickerstaff is a coach? I pick on him every week, but his only reaction to being down 19 points at home is to yell “WHAT HAPPENED?” at Corey Brewer in his best impression of Julius Caesar’s famous “Et tu, Corey” speech.

Like Coach, I fucking lost the ball is what happened. And it was an accident? Sorry I’m the only likable Rocket left. The tragedy continues in Houston.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 Draymond GREEN Shaq counts to 12. Kenny gets to 10. Either way, these no-calls are sort of annoying. What’s the point of defending a passer at all if he can slowly glide away from your pressure?

The only problem? These no-calls are also super boring.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2/4 Shaqs

MISC
-20 Blake GRIFFIN He’s been suspended 4 games outright, and those will be -20 each when the time comes.

Losing a game’s pay shouldn’t be dependent on salary (-172 pts here), especially since players already lose salary when suspended. The compromise Mike and I have agreed upon is to count this as another suspension where he also still gets to play and potentially be even chodier. God I’m generous.

Payment withheld for 1 game.
-20 Hassan WHITESIDE Bullying Boban Suspended 1 game.
FUCK
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS “Nah.” League CURSE

WEEK 17

Shaq is completely fucking illiterate, so let’s jump straight from Shaqtin a Fool Episode 13 to Episode 15. That’s right, there is no Episode 14 in Volume 5.

SHAQ
-100 James HARDEN and Dwight HOWARD Let’s be real, this one is completely on Dwight Howard, and sort of showcases exactly what separates the Rockets from the Spurs and Warriors. If Ezeli or Aldridge turns his back on an easy lob pass, he would raise his hand and apologize. Instead, Dwight feels the need to explain himself. For a team that prides itself so much on intelligent shot selection at an institutional level, it’s weird we’re not feeling any trickle-down freakonomic effects years later.

Since Kenny repeated the same joke five times, I have no problem making the executive call that Harden and Howard must pay for their shared crime of atrocious basketball-related whining.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3/4 Shaqs

-100 Garrett TEMPLE Here, Garrett Temple goes full Whitman, eschewing the corner three for a long turnover. But just having the ball slip isn’t the highest form of Shaqtin.

The best Shaqtins involve a tremendous talent (JaVale) who misapplies his abilities with poor decision-making. Picture Goliath deciding to take up cross-stitching, and then fucking everything up with his massive hands. The robotic dearth of introspection, when mixed with the childless lack of self-discipline, becomes hilarious.

But here, Garrett’s decision to shoot was actually smart. It’s a short corner three, and a decent look! But his intention was foiled by a freak accident in his interaction with the external world!! Oh Garrett, if only the ball didn’t slip!!! How tragic

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the foul at the end is cute too.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4

-100 Lance STEPHENSON Every once in a while, we get a perfect snapshot of a player’s entire career. Steph Curry from 38.4 feet. Kobe Bryant over Phoenix from the right elbow.

Add Lance Stephenson from under the basket. There’s really nothing to add. This one’s too pure to dilute with a bunch of shitty jokes.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 4/4 Shaqs

-100 Joffrey LAUVERGNE “We’ve had vicious kings, and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!”

King Joff is at it again! By the way, here’s Denver’s third young foreign big man, and his real nickname is Jololo (no shit.) I am starting to get worried for Pat Chambers.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 3/4 Shaqs

 

-100 Josh SMITH  Why even play defense, pt. 2. Feat. Shaq counting to 25.

Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn

Overall Shaqtin rating: 4/4 Shaqs

 

FUCK
-100 Phoenix SUNS Chuck. League CURSE

WEEK 15 IN REVIEW

Last week, I enjoyed writing a whole bunch of words for my three friends to read. So welcome back, and let’s keep a (good?) thing going.

SHAQ
-100 Carmelo ANTHONY The Knicks are in disarray, there’s talk of shutting down Carmelo’s knee again, and life in New York is back to being loud and shitty. But you know what? This play just isn’t a great Shaqtin. Here, Melo blesses Curry’s forehead with an indelible Nash Wednesday mark. And what is Shaq’s response? Two loudly-delivered puns on the word “face” quickly written by his intern on a Starbucks napkin while waiting in line.

That’s not what Shaqtin a Fool was supposed to be. A true Shaqtin features an idiot doing a stupid thing. It’s a simple formula. But here, one NBA superstar mildly and inadvertently injures another. Way to…face the challenge. You Big Asshole.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1/4 Shaqs

-100 Marcus SMART Kenny Smith (NBA 2k16 rating of 40 for Low Post Defensive IQ) isn’t convinced this is a flop. Kenny Smith is an idiot.

Marcus Smart is a histrionic animatronic, and this flop is a goddamned atrocity. Even Pope Brad Stevens has to cheese a bit, after about two seconds of nominal mock outrage and complaining. All in all, this play was not very…smart. See Shaq, anyone can write this level of smarmy bullshit.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2/4 Shaqs

-100 Jabari PARKER Whoops, just a classic high-school move by that one kid who can’t quite dunk but dammit his dad is there in the stands so he’s gonna try. But let’s be fair — Jabari was set up for failure by fast break savant Michael-Carter-Williams. I can’t ever remember where the dash is in his name, but he can’t figure out whether he wants to throw a lob or shoot a floater, so I guess we’re even. Jason Kidd looks like he’s about to drop out of A.A. after that one.

Joke classiness rating: 1/4 Classes

Jabari’s a young kid, and still feeling his way in the NBA. He’s played less than a season’s worth of games! He’s three years younger than me! That was still kinda shamelessly stupid, and you can tell he knew it even as he hung from the rim.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 2.5/4 Shaqs

-100 LeBron JAMES Cheap shot at LBJ here. We all know, based on our photographic memories of the Miami Heat SuperTeam™, that he has a weird tendency to sometimes miss open dunks. Remember in Miami when he missed 3 dunks over the course of a week and ESPN was all over it? He’s a pretty good bet for it — I’d say 96.6% — but only human.

But that’s just it. LeBron is an NBA superstar, and the physical archetype of an unstoppable athletic force. So does seeing him fail make this clip any funnier? Or does Shaq merely and inadvertently bring us face-to-face with James’ own limitations and, ultimately, mortality? He is the Chosen One, the tragic King who vowed to save his city, only to discover too late that he had murdered his father, and Delonte had slept with his mother. Though to be fair, I might have mixed the details up.

But Shaqtin is obviously better when we get to see a parade of fools that we feel have no chance of redemption, just clowning around for the old boys’ amusement. They’re stupid! They can’t help it! Oh look, it’s JaVale McGee and Dion Waiters again!! We point and laugh without any sense of regard for them as humans. On the other hand, LeBron is far too self-aware, and his legacy is becoming increasingly tragic in its overall inDecision, sensitivity to fortune, be it good or bad, and the weird fact that he suddenly seems to be going through a midlife crisis in a league that has totally morphed on him (and because of him) in the past three years. In the face of all this, is blowing a dunk funny?

Nah.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 1/4 Shaqs

-100 Matthew DELLAVEDOVA Now this is a true Shaqtin. After decades of wearing black and silver uniforms, the Spurs’ ploy to convince opponents that there are eight referees on the court finally fooled someone. That someone is Matthew Dellavedova, a certifiable moron. But it gets even worse. Even if the ref he closes out on had been a Spur, that Spur would have been out of bounds and about twenty feet behind the play. That’s clearly an opponent who’s out of position to shoot a corner three. But Ginobili’s open now! So Matt’s error doesn’t even make sense if we step into his own bizarrely-misperceived reality.

Shaq has no qualms calling his defense crappy, and even Coach Tyronn Lue scratches his cheek with a middle finger. If all the world’s a stage, then Dellavedova is a shitty fringe player who will be out of the league in three years. Remember that I told you so.

Overall Shaqtin rating: 4/4 Shaqs

MISC
-10 Houston ROCKETS Bickerstaff bickering Fined $10,000.
-20 Dwight HOWARD Hitting on a ref Suspended 1 game.
FUCK
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS “Nah.” League CURSE

Thanks for reading, and enjoy the rest of your week or whatever.

LETTER OF DECLINE

In an effort to further transparency within Chode League, I have upheld my commitment to honor any article mailed to ChodeLeague@gmail.com — yes, that’s ChodeLeague@gmail.com!! — by posting it to our fine website.


Dear Dishonorable Commissioner,

I write to inform you that I wish to retroactively decline your invitation to become the second member of the Chode League Hall of Fame (not to my surprise, the first inductee was a straight white prep school male who recently purchased a home (no redlining or racial covenants must be really nice)).

I am sure my letter comes of little shock to you, given my repeated grievances around your fantasy basketball league’s incessant love affair–and later marriage–with whiteness. A league based on the pre-Jim Crow caricature of the black male as unintelligent–“a chode”–is surely a league that is embedded, symbolically and materially, in a type of whiteness so unpalatable that even I, a man who tries to tolerate your insouciance for basic humanity, can no longer stand.

To add salt to my wound, your league’s maltreatment of the Other strikes close to home. My given league name of Allie Hawks Akbar–a person of color has little agency in your high-stakes and rigged game–aligns well with the Orientalism of Donald Trump (must be sad night for you, by the way, but Ted Cruz isn’t a bad consolation prize).

There is a good chance that this letter–like most letters that critique your rule–will be censored; there is perhaps a greater chance that this letter will be hung up in your klan’s den as a badge of honor.  But, still, I encourage you to give up your remunerative position and return to the light.

God’s speed [sic],

R. Faruk


While I am only too happy to honor Mr. Faruk’s request to be removed from the Chode League Hall of Fame, this letter is just a wonderful bit of evidence that our good friend has never logged into Chode League at all. As such, I am only too proud to enshrine this very “badge of honor” as the second ever Chode League Hall of Fame Inductee, alongside our very own Albert and the Ensteins!

I, too, look to a day when fantasy owners will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their lineups. Alas, my only regret is that our own prodigal son seems woefully unable to do so.

Please join me in praying for our friend R. Faruk.

Week 14 in Review

A fairly quiet week in Chode League, but that means no one will try to shut me up.

So can we finally talk about Captain Obvious? Not the character, but the actor. I did a little research (one Google search), and his name is Brandon Moynihan. Now here’s a guy whose IMDB page lists a bunch of shorts, starting in 2011. Having glanced over there, and read the first two paragraphs of his New York Times feature, I’m going to peg this guy as an ordinary dude — maybe he used to work in sales — who had a bit of a midlife crisis. Maybe he divorced his wife and moved to L.A., but now it’s all worth it because he gets to embody an internet joke from the nineties for a living. And once Shaq found out about this dude, he was all fucking over it, no questions asked. This dude is set for life, and all with 37 followers on tinder.

By the way, the campaign budget for Captain Obvious is between $40 and $50 million dollars, and will last five years. Five years?? JaVale will be retired by then. Or rather, he will forcibly be retired by all 30 NBA teams. Okay, onto the episode itself.

SHAQ
-100 Timofey MOZGOV This year, it seems Shaq really fuckin loves travels. It’s his new favorite bit of evidence that the NBA isn’t as fundamental as it used to be, back when you had to dribble uphill both ways to the basket. Here, Mozgov changes his pivot foot about five times, and definitely shows his place in the small-ball NBA of the future. That place is in Russia, so kudos to Shaq. But I have no idea what word Shaq repeats 3 times. Seems like the TNT crew didn’t know either, because no one reacts to the joke. “POCEBA?” If someone knows IPA symbols, please feel free to help me transcribe this “joke.”
-100 Jonathan SIMMONS So this was pretty tragic in real-time, in keeping with the whole game. Somehow, instead of watching Boogie’s franchise-record 56-point game, I suffered through a 30-point blowout. Or was it 60? Who cares. It really doesn’t feel like the Spurs will ever try in big games this season. Ah, the curse of already having a good enough record to be #2 in a West that suddenly looks sorta Eastish.
-100 Nerlens NOEL Whinnying loudly. Wait no, that would actually be Andre whinnying, right? Because he’s the horse? Listen, I love these creative intentional fouls. Danny Green before the inbounds pass, Nerlens Noel on the free throw rebound. I almost want to put up a Chode Point bounty for the most creative intentional fouling of Andre this year. Does pantsing count? What about a kiss? And the league is thinking of taking these small joys away from us?? Unbelievable.
-100 Drew GOODEN Still playing, but not really. That looked more like a back spasm as he tried to jump, which is really sad. But even prime Drew Gooden was shitty enough that we felt bad for LeBron. Like, everyone did — which is unbelievable to think about now. It just goes to show if Dan Fegan is your agent (Dwight Howard, Chandler Parsons, Mike Miller, Anderson Varejao) then maybe any amount of US currency is possible for any shitty person.
-100 Gary WHO? What? Oh he’s a Wizard now. Um, okay. Anyway, let’s talk about Randy Whitman’s reaction shot. Was that even on the same play? That dude just gave the look of a kid in a high school geometry class who just noticed the teacher accidentally left a test answer on the chalkboard during the test. Do they still have chalkboards in high schools anymore? And are you sure Randy Whitman is getting the most development possible out of Bradley Beal and Otto Porter?
FUCK
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS “Nah.” League CURSE

 

Well thanks for listening to me complain. Much love,

Commish

Weeks 12 and 13 in Review

 

Let’s get right to it. My website of choice that helps me complete these never mentioned the Barnes fine, but I relent. It definitely happened, and that means I accidentally won in Week 12. The tank is dying.

Week 12

SHAQ
-100 Anderson VAREJAO The TNT guys weren’t in rhythm, and neither were Varejao and James. But you really can get a lifetime pass if you look like Sideshow Bob.
-100 Lance THOMAS A nice guy who just thinks Duncan is the GOAT PF.
-100 Jason TERRY My version got a lot worse, too.
-100 Montrezl HARRELL “He has lost the will to live.”
-100 James HARDEN Bickerstaff is gonna die this year.
MISC
-20 Ty LAWSON Final DUI suspension. Served 3/3 games.
-35 Matt BARNES Condoning violence. Fined $35,000.
FUCK
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS “Nah.” League CURSE

Week 13

SHAQ
-100 Kobe BRYANT Yes, Shaq is still pretty jealous, but even Byron Scott shook his head. Nah, it’s still a pretty weak Shaqtin entry. And yes Kenny, you can absolutely  get stripped by Dwight Howard.
-100 Cole ALDRICH 0 to 100 real fuckin slow.
-100 Marcus MORRIS Here’s the original, you’re welcome.
-100 Kent BAZEMORE (And one.)
-100 Kent BAZEMORE Twister Mister goes BACK-TO-BACK. OH MAN. But to be  fair, this is the greatest use of slow-motion this season.
MISC
-10 Kentavious CALDWELL-POPE Hating chairs. Fined $10,000.
FUCK
-100 Los Angeles CLIPPERS “Nah.” League CURSE